How can parents address the holidays in their custody orders?

On Behalf of | Oct 16, 2024 | Child Custody

One of the most difficult aspects of sharing custody is seeing one’s children less often. Some parents even try to continue marriages that leave them truly unhappy because they hate the idea of having their children stay elsewhere some of the time.

Thankfully, with the right perspective, parents can often adjust gracefully to shared custody arrangements. They may come to appreciate the time they have on their own during which they can engage in personal enrichment or major household projects. The transition to effective co-parenting begins with a solid custody arrangement or parenting plan.

Adults need to agree on not just an overall breakdown of parenting time but also on standards for certain unique circumstances. The holidays and other special occasions typically require careful consideration when establishing a parenting plan or custody order.

How can parents find ways to share the holidays when time with their children is often what makes their celebrations meaningful?

There are many ways to handle the holidays

Some couples come from different cultures or practice different religions. Each parent might have different holidays that are meaningful to them, and they may be able to reach an arrangement in which each parent has the children on those specific days.

Other times, the parents celebrate the same holidays and therefore want to spend the same days with their children. In that situation, they need to consider the level of conflict in their relationship, their proximity and their holiday traditions when negotiating a schedule.

In many cases, parents agree to alternate holidays. The children spend every other holiday with each parent. This allows the parents to spend every other holiday with the children and to regularly celebrate each major holiday with their kids.

Occasionally, parents can split the holidays. Christmas, for example, sees family celebrating on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The children could spend Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other. They could also spend Christmas morning at one house and the afternoon and evening at the other. Both Arrangements can work well in scenarios where parents need space from each other and want to establish their own traditions with the children.

In low-conflict cases, parents can sometimes agree to share celebrations on special days. Doing so is only realistic if they can commit to avoiding conflict that might lead to traumatic memories for their children instead of joyous ones. Whatever approach parents employ, the focus should be on ensuring that the children enjoy their holidays and maintain their connection with both parents.

Establishing reasonable expectations when negotiating custody matters can help parents work out arrangements that serve their family well. The holidays can sometimes be a stumbling block during negotiations, but parents can reach an agreement in most cases if they think carefully about family circumstances, traditions and what is reasonable for all involved.